Only just a dream

I was thinking about her, thinking about him, thinking about our lives, what we gonna be, if all this wasn’t given to us?

Travelling around the world for a purpose, but there are many other experiences you will encounter and learn, teaching you a valuable lesson about the goodness of your country or even the place you’re living in.

Not the first trip out of my own home town, but its the first time going to a country where you see many little children roaming around the road, some without a footwear on trying to ‘beg’ for money so that the family would have sufficient to eat. Although it’s not as bad as india since I believe many of us would have heard stories about those children who are living in poverty there begging for money when they see foreigners, but Manila do have kids who are like that.

There’s so many things to witness there, but its all just images that are captured up in your brain. How long can these learning experience memories stay? There you will be able to see many kids tagging along with their parent’s trishaw to work, kids wearing old and raggy clothes asking for money from us when we just finished our sumptuous meal at the seafood restaurant. It’s like 10 pesos mean so much to them, as if it can fill their stomach. Is this what everyone mean by feeling contented with what you have? Yet in this rat race society and advancing country, does it really apply to us? We always find that our salaries are insufficient for us to survive in such a high standard of living society of ours. But I guess I should be more appreciative with what I have because its something that I’m given by grace eh.

So finally some international games played, much experience gained, to only realise that there’s so much more to learn and improve. It’s an eye opener to see how professional play, and never believe that fair games are played because the mentality of ‘the first whack is the strongest’ would stay forever. There’s never a perfect in anyone of us because there’s someone stronger, faster, swifter, taller, and whatever you can think of that is better than you. What you can outbeat is yourself. Strive to improve yet working together as one, using each other’s strength to build the team up is something that a team needs.

Living a slower pace and boring life there, is just a temporary getaway because at the end of the day when we are brought back to our own lives, we’re hit with reality and everything gets depressing. We’re just not cut for sports yet because at the very end of the day when we hit the age to retire competitively, what we need is certificates to work in the society, earning what you called hard-earned money to feed yourself and your family. Playing competitively doesn’t earn you big bucks too if it’s not a national sports in your country. So what can you do? Play with your passion, and extinguish that flame and get real? HA, its something for you to decide and think about.

Alrights, too much of thoughts and the medicine is kicking in. Goodnight jelly world.

Commitments have no endings

Life is just slogging for things that you have to do, you want to do, and you must do.

It starts from growing up, to education, doing something that you like in between. Then it goes to working to earn your money and start a family from there. The route doesn’t end or stop because time wait for no man. Everyone want to have more than 24hours a day when you’re getting so busy with life, while the other half who are waiting for time to pass would wish for lesser. I guess humans are still better with fixed stuff.

Do you feel that life is pressing you down emotionally and physically? I guess not many of us are fated to be a traveller because first you do not have the money and secondly we’re not living in countries where taking a 1 year leave from work is acceptable and thirdly it doesn’t look as goody goofy world out there to travel alone and not meeting any dangerous or weird situations.

Anyways, I’ll never have a writer brain to experience and think like how Julia Roberts think in the show. Every encounter in every country brings you back to the past where it gives you a realization to what you should do for your problems from there. How amazing can it get? But afterall its just a movie for your entertainment.

It makes me feel that everyone is searching for “God” and “Love”. If I can remember correctly, there was something that was quite significant and philosophical for you to decipher. It somewhat goes like this:

Sometimes love would make you lose your balance, but that’s the balance to life.

People tend to seek for perfection in life, in love, and in God. But does perfection turn what you deem as perfect away from itself? What’s perfect in the world? It’s just something that you perceive to be perfect, that is perfect. Then it goes in a circle, to how much is acceptable for you to be perfect?

With all the boring parts in the show, there’s just 1 thing that struck me, and got me on a ride for awhile. Does it hurt each time for a dad who is perceived as strong hearted and brave male by the world, to see his kid leaving him for the mom whom he’s staying with, after a short trip together? It doesn’t have to be the dad, because hey now, it’s the 21st century already. HAHA. If I could have an invention to hear what people is feeling inside, or to see if the person is feeling broken inside or happy inside, I guess I’ll put that to good use. Tsk being kiddy here and letting my imagination go wild. Anyways, the world is changing and it might sub-consciously change yours without you realising it.

Life’s a bitch and everyone loves it.

Let’s continue to press on, and walk this journey with a better purpose and strive for a journey filled with highs and lows. Next on the list to look forward – SEABA.

This shall be a note to myself, not to stop exercising for more than a month if I’m still going to continue exercising that fats out of my body. It kills to not run for so long, making your eyes blurry, your lungs stuffy, your limbs unfeeling, your brain tired out. But sadly, its the accomplishment that comes out of it. Sadistically true. HAHA.

Have fun Cel! -Go go go-

Love without end

Love never ends.

2 meanings to it:

One: Love is timeless.
Two: Love is tough.

All in all, it never diminishes in quality, no matter what. Amid betrayals and fallouts, love never fluctuates. Love never alternates. Love never ends.

What is love to you here?

Simple meal/outing with your loved ones? But I guess the most precious would just be a heart beating for people who you love eh. Okay that’s like a classic yet corny example here (I really wonder what’s with the inspiration to blog but I’m talking nonsense here somehow).

Okay I guess there’s pretty much nothing to continue from those philosophical stuff above there. So let’s continue the blabberish stuff I feel like blabbering here.

Let me do a brief introduction on the fattest boy I met. He’s super lazy and old (70 years old here), but he can do the longest leap, and run the fastest when he can sniff the food out there. He rampage bags, destroy paper boxes, use his claw attacks on styrofoam covers to get the food into his mouth. He’s the fastest eater who can pry open all sorts of container and finish those food in less than 2 mins. I really wonder what is his brain made of because he doesn’t even feel sad over the fierce scolding and whacking he got. TSK.

 

Guess what, his name is Snoopy Chew, famously known as the handsome monster poochie with hideous tummy.

  

I will never forget that he ate my 5 choco muffins which was so dead forbidden for him to even touch it, and now he ate the breakfast deluxe that was meant to be shared. To think that he was a cute fatty good boy sitting and enjoying the breeze at the back of the car, I still thought of offering him a piece of hotcake. TSK. End up he pried open the styrofoam cover which was sitted nicely at the driver’s seat when we went out to check out the map of westcoastpark. Oh wells, but all in all I still love him as much. Stupid fatdog.

Rightttt. .. So I lost my feel at this point of time again. BORENG~ Random thoughts time. ..

Anyways I can’t wait for august to end, because that would mark the end of the the well-known hungry ghost festival. It’s so hard not to believe somehow because people around you are talking about it when its nearing and the streets are quieter at night during the month. It’s crazy how such festival can be held in the world like this. Afterall, its just something that’s standing on a thin line.

“There are no best friends, only family.”

Does it ring a bell to you? I guess to me, I always hear them from parents who would tell their kids that. But is that really true? I mean I really can’t see it now because I’m not a grown up here  like those adults who have seen the ugly side of the world. In this dog eat dog society, does best friend only exist in our kiddy pre-matured minds? When you were still in kindergarden, phrases like “I don’t want to friend you” is like a norm because the next day that person is still your best friend. But as you grow older, things change. Perception of your mentality change which results in change to your everyday life and makes people more complicated, then they use their complicated minds to dwell in problems. It’s like a chain reaction here, but you can’t chop the root of the problem away because the root of the problem is with us, humans.

“Have you ever seen a group of elderly friends hanging out, and watching movie together? No, because friends are not forever.”

Phrases like these are so common in our lives now, but you know we would not know until we’re of that age I guess. Because you won’t know how frail you’ll be when you get older, but I do see a group of elderly friends hanging out early in the morning at the coffee shop, bitching and gossiping and talking happily when I was younger. I still believe that there are a handful of people out there, who are still best friends when they’re old and frail. It’s just that we do not see them very often. Before stepping into the abyss of thoughts, why not think about how you going to be the handful of people who have best friends who last? Then when there are more than a handful of them, you can be the one to make an impact in a person’s life, changing the humanly perception which will then result in a positive chain reaction eh. Because at the end of the day, you know that best friends are hard to come by, and usually its all the thick and thin, storms and lightnings that brought us together as one. You can say that effort might not pay off, but deep down you’ll find that even the smallest effort means something big to someone out there. Things usually don’t have to be said but to be felt eh.

Side note: Being together as one feels so patriotic somehow, so I just feel like saying that I still less than 3 Singapore will all my heart. Imma noobcake with limited knowledge on the politics in Singapore but I don’t really care now because I still wanna enjoy my life NOW. Because its NOW or NEVER. HAHAHAHA. Okay stop being cranky here and bull about nonsense stuff. -slaps-

Alrights, so much of blabbering here which I guess its something that I can let my thought flow after a few hours of attempt to type. Pretty much the same as how I talk, takes a few hours to vomit out a few good thoughts. Okay STOP IT. Goodnight.

Let’s just fall in thoughts again

I guess I can never survive on my own in an individual sport because after the game yesterday, it made me realise that everyone of us in the team needed one another to pull each other up from the well that we were stuck in this season of insecurity.

Although there might be leaders to lead, but I always believe that it take 2 hands to clap. It was when everyone strived hard together with the same mentality and the same goal, that the team manage to climb out of the insecurity and breathlessness within. It’s something that I actually felt for the first time, or I should say something that I haven’t felt for quite a long time ever since my memorable years in TP.

This made me realise that everyone is growing up, moving into a different phases, experiencing different situations and fulfilling different expectations. It seems like its the surrounding that’s making us change, or moulding us into people of the future. But do people enjoy the moulding process or its just that we do not really have a choice of our own because dreaming is not reality? Sometimes I really wonder what I’m typing here, cause it doesn’t seem like what I’m really thinking about. I guess its just the cold breeze that’s freezing my brain for the whole day. It felt like I was in aircon room in the morning and if I were to wake up most prolly I have to roll down my bed kind.

How fun can it get to have a getaway trip? I can barely remember going for a getaway trip, being carefree and just enjoy myself. But what can I say, I can save for nuts and now those funds all goes to my mouth and stomach. Then again, even if you can save that amount of money its like so hard to spend it away just like that. Okay, money. .. Root to all evil. HAHAHA. Damnit.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m cherishing everyone around me, or wait till they are gone that I realise that I did not put enough effort and end up regretting. Am I just the one with the commitments, or just not doing the right prioritising here. Sometimes I question myself if my priorities are right, because sacrificing certain stuff might end up becoming something I do not want it to happen (righttt I’m like thinking of all sorts of possibilities here like hello so unnecessary).

ANYWAYS, I just have to praise myself for watching the stupidest and scare-yourself-with-trailer movie.

I will never forget how this bloody fork was killing people in the enclosed area where people are so helpless. It’s like madness, and maybe one day this might just happen eh. Shithead movie, but its not as bad as the handful of horror movies I watched and I couldn’t get to bed for quite some time. Feel so stupid when I talk bout it. Dumb. Yuck let’s move on.

I have the urge to save for today, I should think of some productive and useful methods to do it so whenever I feel like doing it I can execute it immediately eh. Alrights pens down and brains up to change now. Goodbye.

The sudden inspiration to blog

I was asked this question during debrief today. ..

“Do you know what is fighting spirit?”

I begin to doubt myself if I really understand the meaning of it. I was quite dumbfounded actually, I mean I felt that it was the drive and the spirit to fight for everything that’s precious to you. Then again, I guess its also the determination, strong mental and most of all the Never Give Up attitude. It’s something so important, that we should not allow or even watch it slip away just like that, but to fight it with all your might or even with your life for it.

That’s something that should be built in everyone of us, to know that we should not give up so easily, that we should not let tough time get us down but allow it to mould us to a tougher person to fight any other storms that’s ahead because life is like a battlefield against yourself.

Whatever you do, be it good or bad, right or wrong, it does not really reflect you as a person. But its the person that actually taught and educate you such as your parents, coach, guardian, etc. I did not really realise it until today, it was a game and a debrief that made me see things so clearly now. I guess that’s where you get your motivation and keeps you going from where you stopped.

Do you ever feel so restricted or limited to do things because others have actually set that boundary for you but you would want to break that boundary and soar further than before? With that sudden thought of feeling sad that others see you as the one that can only perform a few tasks given to you, channel that energy to improve on what you can do that would be a job well done in people’s eyes. I guess that’s the way things should be done, but never give up on any chances that you can actually prove yourself worthy enough to be trusted.

Feeling so much, thinking too much, its just comes when it comes like some blood stains that chooses its date to hit you in the eye. Tsk, damnit I would want such raging emotions and thoughts to be gone for good. Heh.

I guess through a walk like this, you will realise that its the people around that keeps you going, that would want you to pull through it so that you can see that you became someone better, with better sense of maturity and seeing things in different perspective. It’s the friends who just there for you silently beside you when things go wrong, or to even do something stupid or funny to cheer you mood up, or just simple sms-es to encourage you to fight on and press on till the very end.

With all the love, let’s fight on because there’s nothing to lose but everything to gain. Tell yourself that! Oosh!

Anyways! Go go QianXi. 杀, 杀, 杀！

Just for you (:

To those who are broken hearted, who feels dishearten and have nowhere else to go and is despaired from what you should go from here. Because life is full of shit wonders, and its happening to everyone around at any moment. But you know you can count on me like how I would count on you. (:

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,
I’ll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can’t see,
I’ll be the light to guide you

Find out what we’re made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I’ll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you’ll be there
Cause that’s what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh
That’s what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah
You can count on me cause I can count on you

Wooooh, Wooooh
yeah Yeah

If you toss and you turn and you just can’t fall asleep
I’ll sing a song
beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will
remind you

Ohh
Find out what we’re made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I’ll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you’ll be there
Cause that’s what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh
Yeah Yeah

You’ll always have my shoulder when you cry
I’ll never let go
Never say goodbye

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I’ll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you’ll be there
Cause that’s what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh
you can count on me cos’ I can count on you

“Da da da da da” goes the music to your soul

Life’s are full of problems, its not godly made but its all human made problems. Each and everyone of them, from young to old, male to female, everyone has their own set of problems. Those who are rich, might yearn for love and happyness (on purpose) while those who are poor might yearn for love and wealth. Do you see the similarities in this situation? People yearn to be loved. Love is such a small word which contain big meanings, its just a small action but it means alot.

After watching “The Blind Side” on the Saturday, I don’t know why but its been stucked in my head. When asked about what’s the most significant thing that impacted you, all I could think of was when Leigh Anne (Sandra Bulllocks) actually invited Big Mike to stay over at their place on a cold and freezing night, which subsequently became an official thing. To think in a godly manner, its like God giving us a safe place to rest when we are desperately in need of one, be it whether we’re saved or not. To think in a worldly manner, its where friends and family members provide you with love and care whenever you need it. But how can the world be compared to God when its Him who place those people in your life to comfort and care for you? Okay, shut it.

After much thoughts (okay its not like I thought of it but it comes and go) for those days that had passed, there are 2 other points which became more visible to me. I don’t know why I’m blogging this down but oh wells, I feel like doing it.

First it was when Leigh Anne officially adopted Big Mike and provide him a real room of his own. The scene didn’t end just like that, but continued on. She thought he was feeling really touched about having his own room but in fact, it was him feeling really touched to have his own bed. It’s like wow, having a bed? I guess that’s due to the fact that we’re living in a world that’s not as poor as the people at the other side of the world. Humans do not have to do so much for one another, its really the small thoughts that count, that touches people’s heart and brings about happyness through the love shown.

Second it was when people start to doubt about Big Mike’s decision about going to the university that Leigh Anne and family asked him to go. It was a major blow to everyone around because of people’s wagging of tongue, but because of all that they went through together made Big Mike realise the love, care and concern that the family provided. Do people need to go through so much to feel all that is needed to be felt? I guess its all the obstacles that we went through to realise love in our hearts.

Okay so much for a housefly thought, anyways I think watching movies make you feel the love here HAHA.

This is something that will make me laugh and go crazy about. Hearing them speak and laugh is already something that is uncontrollable. And when you really feel down and need something to make you feel happyer, try listening to them speak and laugh cause it helps.

Right, blabbered too much now! Maybe its time for some music here. Bye.

You spin my head right round right round

1 more week to the start of the new chapter of the book “School, how you spin my world round like merry-go-round”
I won’t wanna picture how school gonna be like, its like a vicious cycle because we’re never contented with life. What you don’t have you would wish to have, even if you have it you might not like it and you want something else. This is something that we can never decipher bout us.

To sum it up, I guess it’s just another new experience during this holiday. All the action pack ‘movies’ and drama mama, all I can say it something that you’ll learn when days go by. It’s so tough, because the world is teaching you not to trust people easily when you know yourself that you’re too naive to a world like this. At the age I’m in now,  everyone is talking about the other side of the society which is filled with hypocrites and scheming people. That’s when parents would tell you not to be so naive because you don’t even know when someone is taking advantage of you. But is that really true? Because the world needs compassionate, simple and pure thoughts. But oh wells, to speak like this it shows that I’ve yet to have enough experience to be a grown up yet. Naive is the word. HAHA.

Through all this stuff, all you need to know is that right behind your back are all your mates that are giving you moral support, fighting for you when you need help. Stay positive about this, because they are the ones that walked with me through those tough times and fun times.

Any old how, Kel is finally back to Singapore for 3 weeks before heading back for the last lap and graduate from the ulu pandan place with no night life. Yellow Jello with the FULL usuals, with all of us sacrificing our sleep to watch the spain and portugal match. And I’m glad that all of us are still looking really young, because the lady was checking our I/C. HAHAHA WHEEEE.

I didn’t know that it would be so sad to leave your toys, like some emo shitzxz parting story here. HAHA.  It’s all cool, like some Evil Dr. Pork Chop disrupting the quest to save the world with Woody and Buzz Lightyear. It’s so funneh to picture that those toys that you own last time, actually have life and they can feel how we feel. It’s something that everyone will grow out of it eh. Whatever we are pursuing will change with time. So what are you pursuing now?

Never use white on a black background

Just when everything seem so goody good and nicey nice, it just take a second to kill all the happy mood away like thanks. Oh wells, sometimes when you’re really pissed and when you know that shit was sent to you in a package, all you can say is fuck life seriously. But that’s like really childish because life can’t be that hard, HAHAHA. -roll eyes- I guess the thought of brokenness can never run away from you because it’s always just beside you. And when it involves family and money, that’s the package that never fail to deliver at random times. Are we leopards? Cause I’m unsure if my spots were changed. Can those flaws of mine be changed to be something flawless. But does flawless exist? Hahahaha, omg so dumb.

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother: “What will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?”
Here’s what she said to me:
Que sera sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be, will be

Since I am just a boy in school,
I asked my teacher: “What should I try?
Should I paint pictures? Should I sing songs?”
This was her wise reply:
Que sera sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be, will be

When I grew up and fell in love,
I asked my lover: “What lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows day after day?”
Guess what my lover said:
Que sera sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be, will be

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother: “What will I be?”
“Will I be pretty?” “Will I be rich?”
I tell them tenderly:
Que sera sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be, will be

What lies ahead? We do not know. It’s something that’s not planned for us, but we know that its our actions that path the future ahead. Afterall, we’re always learning since we do not want to be like the frog in the well.

I think this ad should win the best advertisement award for the year now. It’s like telling you bout treating your parents right eh. Showing how to love even when things do not always go the right way. People gets cranky too at times. Haha.

Recently, life have been revolving on family, sometimes I wish I do not wish to face that. Stop avoiding you shithead. Anyhow, my aunt asking me a randomly weird question, “你还有跟弟弟吵架吗？”. So funny how people can be sometimes. So I finally caught up with my parents with my elder bro around. It’s been a long time since I hung out with my bro till night and in fact, its something that I cherish yet not putting in effort to do it. Tell me how stupid can one get like this? Haha. Hearing what my bro told me made me thought quite abit somehow. Looking back on your younger days, how unteachable and incontrollable did you get that your parents were so mad and heartbroken to see what had become of you and that now you regretted certain action you did in the past? Do everyone need to go through all this shit to realise many years down the road that you were so stupid to do it? Hahaha. And the quote still stand strong that people only cherish it when they lose it. That’s part and parcel of life that different people learn it in different ways eh, in different perspective of course.

Oh wells, enough of this mess. Good ones now. HAHA. People watching is good, because you get to see things that you do not always see if you just overlook everything in your life. It’s like knowing that out of 8-10 people sitting on the side of the mrt train, 3/4 of them will be sleeping or halfway through the process of sleeping on one’s shoulder. Anyways, I saw an Indonesian maid carrying an Indian boy with his parents and his sister in the bus. I don’t know why but I smiled to myself watching such stuff but I don’t when its happening to a Chinese or a Malay family. I guess its not something very common here huh.

Good movie, good laugh, good thoughts. They’re too smart to be true. HAHAHA.

Okay, I can’t wait for next week to come because I don’t have to wake up as early than usual cause I’ll stop working before all the dread begin to come. Amigos.

My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness – 2 cor 12:9

JOY – Jesus, Others, You

Chop chop chop goes the thoughts.

When life knocks you down, find ways to bring you back up. I like that. Just keep going, just keep going (nemo shitzxz intended).

Life have been really busy, that I can’t wait for my breathtaker week to come soon before school starts. Can you stop yourself from doing something that you don’t like? It happens everywhere and anywhere, the simplest example would be your career? I realise that people might not do it for the fear of the consequences or might be deem as stupid for leaving the comfort zone. Not that work is a comfort zone, but its where you get your salary because quitting would means that you might not have a better working environment.

Now I feel so lazyeeee to do anything, but you know. Life doesn’t go your way sometimes, that money don’t fall off from the sky and you don’t own a money printer. So I’m doing a head start by slogging my life away. Is it childish and immature to feel annoyed when your parents ask you to work when you’re schooling and having too many commitments? Then again, people would tell you to prioritise what you think you need the most now. To sacrifice something you won’t wanna lose for something that you know that you gonna slog your life next time. Oh wells. Sometimes I wonder what’s going on in the adult’s mind. Are they doing something that’s really good for you or its something that they think its right because they encounter it during their teenage life? Now I can only conclude that money is such a bother that it shows the true self of a person’s perception towards values.

I don’t know where I read it from, but it says that “Its good to be kids, because the simplest change is toys.” But are those kids growing up to have the mentality of the evil thoughts of the world? Since the world is changing. Everyone is afraid of growing up, but do we have a choice? Because growing up is part and parcel of life, its do or die.

Why is it so hard to speak the truth, not to even talk about accepting the ugly truth which are usually the worst case scenario you have to tell yourself when you face shits. Similar replies from different situations reflects that I should really do something about myself in my life, its me to start with. The key to better relationship and independence. So many messy thoughts, yet I only have a brain to think. I’m in awe with my brain. Shut up now.

Anyways! Let’s stop this shit already, nothing is perfect and we just have to try harder now. This aside, special events now. (:

 

Blessed 21st birthday June Tan, <3 you for who you are and being just you to me. Hahaha, there’s still many years to come yeah. (:

Finally I’m pampering myself by going for some shopping (like YAY!) and watching some movies before I turn into someone of a stone age time. Kutcher is still one of the hawt thing. HAHA. Then it brings about trusting when everything fails eh, but does it only apply to movies and drama mamas? Can people be that understanding and patient with whatever that’s happening?

Okay what’s wrong with the brain, pen off. Period. Goodnight.